R U OK?

We all have our battles. We judge people on face value, and we think they have it all together, while very few of us really do. We do not want to let others in on our self esteem issues, depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, or other issues, because we are so scared of the judgement that will accompany it.

So we allow this wound that we carry to fester, to become an infection, that one day boils over and threaten our very existence.

I know depression and anxiety

I am uncomfortably familiar with the ‘Black Dog’ of depression, as Winston Churchill called it. I battled depression in the 1980’s when I was obsessed with training. If I missed a training session I would drift into depression. Exercise became a very unhealthy obsession.  Something that I relied on to validate myself. To those looking in, it seemed as if everything was going very well for me, when it could not have been further from the truth.

Judging ourselves

All of us feel judged sometimes.  Heck, we judge ourselves negatively most of the time. We feel we are not living up to expectations and are not worthy of what we have. You want to know what get’s you through this? Relationships.

Do not withdraw from those who love you.  I know that is what you feel like doing.  Please don’t. In your reality you may feel unloved, unseen, and alone, but the truth is that you are indeed loved and very much treasured by people. Reach out to them.  Ask for help. (This includes professional help.)

I read a story once of a couple walking down the street and the woman saw how her boyfriend smiled at every one who walked past. When she asked him why he smiled at perfect strangers he said, “I once was at a point where I wanted to end my life when I walked past someone and they smiled at me. That moment changed my life, someone acknowledged that I existed. Now I smile at every one, ‘cause I might be making a difference.”

How can we make a difference?

We always wonder how we can make a difference. I think it is in the little things.

• Simply asking someone “How are you?” and be genuinely interested in the answer. It could make a world of difference to a person.
• Don’t get sucked in to the negativity that surrounds us every day.
• Smile at someone randomly.
• Call a friend or family member you haven’t talked with in a while.
• Direct message someone to just say “hi” and connect.
• Ask a barista how their day is going.

When we connect with others, we allow them to take their masks off and show us their true self. We allow them to accept themselves when we accept them. By connecting we tell them, “It’s ok to not be ok. I’m here for you.”

Show someone they’re not fighting alone.

If you’re struggling, talk to someone. A friend, family member, doctor, therapist, anyone who you can, to help you get through this as best as possible, or at the very least manage it better than doing it alone.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is in effect an incredibly brave thing to do. Get the help if you need it. You are too important to those who care about you to fight alone.